If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For free, confidential support 24 hours a day, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat online at thehotline.org (American Psychiatric Association, n.d.). If you think someone checks your phone, browser history, or accounts, consider looking up or ordering these titles on a safer device, or borrowing them from your local library.
Throughout our Understanding Domestic Violence series for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we've explored the many forms domestic violence can take and how it affects survivors, children, teens, and the people who love them. Sometimes a book or film can help you put words to something you've been living with but couldn't quite name. It can help you feel less alone, understand what happened, and start a conversation with someone you trust.
The books and films in this guide appear on reading and media lists from domestic violence organizations and are often recommended alongside counseling. They are meant to support, not replace, professional care. For hotlines, local agencies, and legal help, see our Domestic Violence Resource Guide. A few things to keep in mind:
- Go at your own pace. Many of these titles describe abuse in detail and may bring up difficult feelings or memories. It's okay to take breaks, skip sections, or stop.
- Preview before sharing. Some books and films include mature content. If you're choosing something for a child or teen, look through it first and talk about it together.
- The patterns apply to everyone. Several well-known books were written about men who abuse women and use "he" and "she." The tactics they describe, such as control, manipulation, and isolation, can happen in any relationship, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
Understanding Domestic Violence and Coercive Control
Read more in our series: Coercive Control
These books explain how abuse works, why it's about power and control, and how to recognize it, even when there are no bruises (Battered Women's Justice Project [BWJP], n.d.; Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.; Family Justice Center of Erie County, n.d.):
- Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. Written by a counselor who spent years working with abusive partners, this is one of the most widely recommended books on domestic violence. It explains how controlling partners think and helps readers recognize patterns of control and put-downs.
- No Visible Bruises: What We Don't Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us by Rachel Louise Snyder. A journalist examines how domestic violence escalates and what warning signs are often missed.
- The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help by Jackson Katz. Explores the cultural roots of abuse and how men can be part of preventing it.
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
If your partner's words leave you confused, anxious, or doubting yourself, these books can help you recognize what's happening (DomesticShelters.org, 2015; Family Justice Center of Erie County, n.d.):
- The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans. Helps readers identify different types of verbal abuse and respond in ways that protect their sense of self.
- Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship by Barrie Davenport. Describes common patterns of emotional manipulation and control.
Why Leaving Isn't Simple and Whether an Abusive Partner Can Change
Read more in our series: Why Leaving Isn't Simple and Can an Abusive Partner Change?
These books can help you think through your relationship and your options without pressure to make a decision before you're ready (BWJP, n.d.; DomesticShelters.org, 2015; Family Justice Center of Erie County, n.d.):
- Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can, and Should, Be Saved by Lundy Bancroft and JAC Patrissi. A practical guide for assessing whether a partner is truly changing and whether the relationship can be saved.
- Scared to Leave, Afraid to Stay: Paths From Family Violence to Safety by Barry Goldstein. Explores the fears and barriers that keep people in abusive relationships and the paths survivors have taken toward safety.
Financial and Digital Abuse
Read more in our series: Financial Abuse and Is Your Partner Tracking You?
Fewer books focus specifically on financial or digital abuse, but the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) offers free, trusted guides on both:
- Moving Ahead Curriculum: A financial education curriculum created by NNEDV and The Allstate Foundation to help survivors build financial safety and independence. It covers topics such as budgeting, credit, and saving, and is available in English and Spanish (NNEDV, n.d.-a).
- Technology Safety & Privacy: A Toolkit for Survivors: A free online toolkit from NNEDV's Safety Net project that explains how technology can be misused to monitor and control, with safety and privacy tips (NNEDV, n.d.-b). Consider viewing it on a device your partner can't access.
Abuse of Men
Men who experience domestic violence often struggle to be believed or to see themselves as survivors. These books speak directly to that experience (Family Justice Center of Erie County, n.d.):
- Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence by Philip W. Cook. Shares the experiences of men abused by their partners and the barriers they face in getting help.
- Abuse of Men by Women: It Happens, It Hurts, and It's Time to Get Real About It by Ann Silvers. Explains how abuse of men can look and offers guidance for healing.
LGBTQ+ Survivors
Read more in our series: Domestic Violence in LGBTQ+ Relationships
These books center the experiences of LGBTQ+ survivors, whose experiences are often overlooked (Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.):
- In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado. A memoir about emotional and psychological abuse in a relationship between two women.
- Written on the Body: Letters From Trans and Non-Binary Survivors of Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence edited by Lexie Bean. A collection of letters written by trans and nonbinary survivors.
Sexual Assault by a Partner
Read more in our series: Consent and Sexual Assault
Sexual violence within a relationship is a form of domestic violence. These books can help survivors make sense of what happened and begin to heal (Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.; Wetta, 2016):
- Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence, From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman. A foundational book by a psychiatrist on how trauma, including domestic and sexual violence, affects people and how recovery happens.
- Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. A young adult novel about a teen finding her voice after sexual assault, suitable for older teens and adults.
Memoirs by Survivors
Reading someone else's story can help you feel less alone and recognize parts of your own experience (DomesticShelters.org, 2015; Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.):
- Crazy Love by Leslie Morgan Steiner. A memoir about a successful professional's relationship with an abusive husband and why leaving was so hard.
- Goodbye, Sweet Girl: A Story of Domestic Violence and Survival by Kelly Sundberg. A memoir about a marriage that slowly became abusive and the process of leaving.
- Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free by Elaine Weiss. A collection of stories from survivors who left abusive relationships.
- For the Latina in an Abusive Relationship by Myrna M. Zambrano. Written for Latina readers, with information that reflects cultural and family considerations.
Teen Dating Violence
Read more in our series: Teen Dating Violence
These novels and resources can help teens recognize unhealthy relationships and give parents a natural way to start a conversation:
- Breathing Underwater by Alex Flinn. Told from the perspective of a teen boy who abused his girlfriend, this novel explores control and the cycle of hurting and apologizing (NextStep Domestic Violence Project, n.d.).
- Take Me There by Susane Colasanti. Three high school friends navigate relationships that include emotional manipulation and control (NextStep Domestic Violence Project, n.d.).
- The Breakable Vow by Kathryn Ann Clarke. A high school student's relationship with an older boyfriend slowly becomes controlling and abusive (NextStep Domestic Violence Project, n.d.).
- Bitter End by Jennifer Brown. A teen girl's new relationship turns controlling and violent (Wetta, 2016).
Children Affected by Domestic Violence
Read more in our series: How Domestic Violence Affects Children
Books for Parents and Caregivers
These books can help parents understand how abuse affects children and how to help them heal (BWJP, n.d.; Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.):
- When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse by Lundy Bancroft. Explains how abusive parents can affect and manipulate children, and how the protective parent can help children recover.
- The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics by Lundy Bancroft and Jay G. Silverman. A more in-depth, professional book on how abuse affects each member of the family and how abusive partners parent after separation.
- BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People by Bill Eddy. Teaches a simple method for responding to angry or hostile messages, which may help when co-parenting with a former partner.
Books for Children
Picture books can give young children words for feelings that are hard to express. Read them together and follow your child's lead (DomesticShelters.org, n.d.-a; Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.):
- A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaret M. Holmes. For children who have witnessed something violent or frightening, this book shows a child learning to talk about what he saw instead of keeping it inside.
- On a Dark, Dark Night by Sara B. Pierce. A young bear cub sees his father hurt his mother and finds support from caring friends.
- How Are You Feeling Today, Baby Bear? Exploring Big Feelings After Living in a Stormy Home by Jane Evans. Helps young children explore and name big feelings after living with conflict at home.
- Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi. A simple book for young children about safe ways to express anger and other feelings.
- What Jamie Saw by Carolyn Coman. A short novel for older children about a boy and his mother leaving an abusive home (NextStep Domestic Violence Project, n.d.).
Healing and Recovery
Read more in our series: Healing After Leaving an Abusive Relationship
These books focus on how trauma affects the mind and body and how people rebuild their lives (Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.; Family Justice Center of Erie County, n.d.):
- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. Explains how trauma affects the brain and body, and describes approaches that can help people heal.
- Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman. Described above, this book outlines the stages of recovery from trauma, including safety, remembering, and reconnecting with others.
- Hope Rising: How the Science of HOPE Can Change Your Life by Casey Gwinn and Chan Hellman. Explores how hope can be built and strengthened after trauma.
For Friends and Family
If someone you love is being abused, learning how abuse works can help you respond with patience instead of frustration. Why Does He Do That? and No Visible Bruises, described above, can help you understand why leaving is so hard and why your loved one may defend or return to their partner (BWJP, n.d.; Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.). If you're a parent of a teen, the teen dating violence titles above can help you start a conversation. For more, read When Someone You Love Is in an Abusive Relationship.
Films and Series
Films can make the realities of domestic violence easier to understand, but many include intense scenes. Watch with care, and consider watching with someone you trust.
- Maid (Netflix limited series, 2021). A young mother leaves an emotionally abusive partner and struggles to build a safe life for her daughter. The series shows how abuse can be serious even without physical violence. The month it premiered, the National Domestic Violence Hotline received more calls than in any month in its history at that time, although the Hotline did not attribute the increase to the show (McGuire, 2021).
- Private Violence (HBO documentary, 2014). Follows a survivor seeking justice against her estranged husband and an advocate who works alongside survivors (DomesticShelters.org, n.d.-b; Fairfax County Department of Family Services, n.d.).
- Escalation (One Love Foundation). A short film about a college relationship that becomes emotionally and then physically abusive, paired with a guided discussion about warning signs and how to help. It is best suited for older teens and young adults (RAINN, n.d.).
- Telling Amy's Story (documentary). Examines the death of a woman at the hands of her husband and the warning signs leading up to it (DomesticShelters.org, n.d.-b).
- And So I Stayed (documentary). Profiles survivors imprisoned for defending themselves against their abusers and the barriers survivors face in the justice system (DomesticShelters.org, n.d.-b).
- Power and Control (documentary, 2010). Follows a mother and her children as they leave an abusive husband, showing how difficult leaving can be (DomesticShelters.org, n.d.-b).
Getting Support at PAWC
Books and films can help you understand what you've been through, but you don't have to make sense of it on your own. Therapy and psychiatric care can help you heal. PAWC-affiliated providers offer a safe, confidential, judgment-free space for survivors, parents, teens, and loved ones. They can help you make sense of what you've experienced, build a safety plan, connect with community resources, and heal from trauma, depression, anxiety, and sleep problems.
You can start with something as simple as, "I've been reading about domestic violence, and I'd like to talk to someone." You can ask about providers, appointment availability, insurance coverage, and expected costs. You don't need a diagnosis to reach out, and you don't have to face this alone.
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Sources
American Psychiatric Association. (n.d.). Domestic violence. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/domestic-violence
Battered Women's Justice Project. (n.d.). BWJP's recommended reading list for survivors of domestic violence [PDF]. https://bwjp.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/Reading_Recommendations_Survivor_Resources.pdf
DomesticShelters.org. (n.d.-a). Children's books. https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/books/children
DomesticShelters.org. (n.d.-b). Domestic violence documentaries. https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/domestic-violence-documentaries
DomesticShelters.org. (2015, August 12). Best domestic violence books. https://www.domesticshelters.org/news/best-domestic-violence-books
Fairfax County Department of Family Services. (n.d.). October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Media list. https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/domestic-sexual-violence/domestic-violence-awareness-month/media-list
Family Justice Center of Erie County. (n.d.). Recommended readings. https://www.fjcsafe.org/recommended-readings/
McGuire, J. (2021, December 8). When Maid premiered, the domestic violence hotline got a record number of calls. Romper. https://www.romper.com/entertainment/maid-national-domestic-violence-hotline-record-number-calls
National Network to End Domestic Violence. (n.d.-a). Economic justice curriculum. https://nnedv.org/content/economic-justice-curriculum
National Network to End Domestic Violence. (n.d.-b). Technology safety & privacy: A toolkit for survivors. Safety Net. https://www.techsafety.org/resources-survivors
NextStep Domestic Violence Project. (n.d.). Youth book list. https://www.nextstepdvproject.org/youth-books
RAINN. (n.d.). One Love: Escalation workshop. Prevention Navigator. https://preventionnavigator.rainn.org/program/one-love/details/
Wetta, M. (2016, January 25). Booklist: Dating violence, consent, and healthy relationships in young adult fiction. The Hub, Young Adult Library Services Association. https://www.yalsa.ala.org/thehub/2016/01/25/booklist-dating-violence-consent-and-healthy-relationships-in-young-adult-fiction/
