If your teen is in immediate danger, call 911. Teens and parents can reach love is respect, the national helpline for young people, 24 hours a day by calling 1-866-331-9474, texting LOVEIS to 22522, or chatting at loveisrespect.org (American Psychiatric Association, n.d.).
Your teen used to talk about everything. Now they seem glued to their phone, jump every time it buzzes, and seem to be pulling away from friends they used to be close to. Maybe their partner always seems to know where they are, or you’ve noticed your teen apologizing for things that don’t seem like their fault. You have a feeling something isn’t right, but you’re not sure what to do.
As we recognize Domestic Violence Awareness Month this October, it’s important to remember that abuse doesn’t only happen between adults. Teens can experience dating violence too, and parents are often in the best position to notice the signs. Below, we’ll explain what teen dating violence is, how common it is, the warning signs to watch for, how to talk to your teen, how to help, and how to take care of yourself along the way.
What Is Teen Dating Violence?
Teen dating violence is a form of intimate partner violence that happens between young people in a dating relationship. It can take place in person, online, or through phones and other technology (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC], 2025). It can include:
- Physical violence: Hitting, kicking, or using other physical force to hurt a partner (CDC, 2025).
- Sexual violence: Forcing or pressuring a partner into sexual acts or touching, including sharing sexual images without consent (CDC, 2025).
- Emotional abuse: Insults, threats, and put-downs meant to hurt a partner emotionally or control them (CDC, 2025).
- Stalking: Repeated, unwanted contact or attention from a current or former partner that makes a partner feel afraid or unsafe (CDC, 2025).
Dating violence can happen in any type of relationship, whether a teen is dating someone of the same or a different gender. Boys and girls can both experience it.
How Common Is Teen Dating Violence?
Teen dating violence is more common than many parents realize. Among high school students who had dated in the past year, about 1 in 12 experienced physical dating violence and about 1 in 10 experienced sexual dating violence (CDC, 2025).
More recent national data from 2023 shows that teen boys and girls experience physical dating violence at similar rates, about 9% of boys and 11% of girls who dated. Girls were more likely to experience sexual dating violence, but boys experienced it too (Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, 2025). Because many teens never tell an adult, the true numbers may be even higher.
Warning Signs Parents May Notice
Teens don’t always talk about what’s happening in their relationships. Some signs that your teen may be experiencing dating violence include (loveisrespect, n.d.):
- Their partner is extremely jealous or possessive.
- Their partner texts, calls, or messages them constantly.
- You notice unexplained bruises, marks, or injuries.
- Your teen seems anxious, depressed, or on edge.
- Your teen stops doing activities they used to enjoy.
- Your teen pulls away from friends and family.
- Your teen changes the way they dress or look to please their partner.
- Their partner is cruel to other people or animals.
You know your teen better than anyone. If something feels off, trust your instincts.
How Dating Violence Affects Teens
Dating violence can have serious and lasting effects. Teens who experience it are more likely to struggle with depression and anxiety, use alcohol, tobacco, or drugs, act out through lying, bullying, or fighting, and have thoughts of suicide (CDC, 2025).
Dating violence can also shape what teens believe a relationship should look like. Teens who experience abuse in high school are at higher risk of experiencing it again in college and later in life (CDC, 2025). That’s why early support matters so much.
If your teen is having thoughts of harming themselves, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911.
How to Talk to Your Teen
Starting the conversation can feel intimidating, especially if your teen tends to shut down. Remember that the goal of the first conversation isn’t to solve everything. It’s to let your teen know you’re someone they can come to safely.
Before You Start
- Choose a calm, private moment, such as a car ride or a walk, when neither of you is rushed.
- Take a breath and check your own emotions first. If you’re angry or panicked, your teen may shut down.
- Have resources ready, such as Love Is Respect, in case your teen wants to talk to someone outside the family (National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2023).
What to Say
You might start with something like, “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I care about you. I’m here if you ever want to talk about anything, including your relationship.” Then try to (loveisrespect, n.d.):
- Tell them you’re worried about their safety and that what’s happening isn’t normal or okay.
- Let them know you’re on their side, it isn’t their fault, and no one deserves to be treated this way.
- Believe them and take them seriously, no matter how young they are or how short the relationship has been.
- Listen more than you talk, and let them share at their own pace.
What to Avoid
- Blaming or judging: Avoid lecturing, interrupting, or asking questions like “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” (loveisrespect, n.d.).
- Forbidding the relationship: Banning your teen from seeing their partner can backfire and make them more likely to keep secrets from you (National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2023).
- Making decisions for them: Your teen knows their relationship better than you do, and taking control can make them feel even more powerless (National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2023).
- Pushing too hard: If they aren’t ready to talk, let them know the door is open and try again later (loveisrespect, n.d.).
How Parents Can Help
Supporting a teen through dating violence takes patience. Here are some ways you can help:
- Stay connected: Your teen needs to know they can trust you and count on you, even if they don’t end the relationship right away (National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2023).
- Help them make a safety plan: Work together on steps to stay safe at school, online, and at home (loveisrespect, n.d.).
- Be extra supportive if they decide to leave: Ending an abusive relationship can be one of the most dangerous times, so it’s important to plan for safety (loveisrespect, n.d.).
- Protect their privacy and safety online: Never post your teen’s location or where they spend time on social media (National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2023).
- Connect them with professional support: Offer to help them talk with a counselor or therapist (loveisrespect, n.d.).
- Model healthy relationships: Talk openly about respect, trust, and boundaries, and show what healthy conflict looks like at home.
How This Affects You as a Parent
Finding out that your child is being hurt by someone they care about can be devastating. Parents and other family members who support a loved one through abuse often experience fear, constant worry, anger, frustration, guilt, and helplessness. Many also notice trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and physical signs of stress (Gregory et al., 2017).
You may feel angry at the person hurting your child, frustrated when your teen defends them, or guilty for not noticing sooner. You may lie awake replaying conversations or imagining the worst. These reactions are normal, and they come from how much you love your child. But carrying them alone can take a toll on your own mental health, your relationships, and your ability to be the steady support your teen needs.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. Lean on people you trust, maintain sleep and routines that help you recharge, and consider getting support for yourself.
How Therapy Can Help
Support for Your Teen
Therapy gives teens a safe, private space to talk with someone outside the family about what they're experiencing. A therapist can help your teen understand healthy and unhealthy relationships, build confidence and self-worth, and work through anxiety, depression, or trauma. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) are strongly recommended for treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and can help teens process painful experiences (American Psychological Association, 2025).
Support for You
Therapy can also help you, as a parent, manage your own fear, anger, and guilt, learn how to respond when your teen opens up, and set healthy boundaries while staying connected. Having your own support can make you a stronger, calmer presence for your teen.
Psychiatric Support
If your teen, or you, are struggling with depression, anxiety, sleep problems, or substance use, a psychiatric provider can evaluate symptoms and talk with you about whether medication might help alongside therapy.
When Should You Reach Out?
Consider reaching out if you notice warning signs, if your teen has told you about something that worries you, or if your teen seems withdrawn, anxious, or depressed. You can also reach out if you’re struggling to cope with your own feelings about what’s happening. You don’t need to be certain that your teen is being abused to ask for help.
Getting Support at PAWC
If anything in this article sounds familiar, our team is here to help both you and your teen. You can start with something as simple as, “I’m worried about my teen’s relationship, and I don’t know how to help.” PAWC-affiliated providers offer a safe, judgment-free space where teens can be heard and parents can find guidance and support. This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, consider taking that first step. You don’t have to face this alone.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I Forbid My Teen From Seeing Their Partner?
It’s natural to want to, but forbidding the relationship often backfires and can make your teen more likely to hide things from you. Focus on keeping communication open and helping your teen stay safe. If your teen is in immediate danger, call 911.
What If My Teen Says Nothing Is Wrong?
That’s common. Your teen may feel embarrassed, protective of their partner, or not yet see the behavior as abuse. Let them know you’re there whenever they’re ready, keep the door open, and continue to check in gently.
Can Boys Experience Dating Violence?
Yes. Boys experience physical dating violence at rates similar to girls, and they can experience sexual and emotional abuse too. Boys may be less likely to speak up, so take their experiences just as seriously.
What If My Teen Is the One Acting Abusively?
This can be painful to discover. Teens who use controlling or abusive behavior also need help to learn healthier ways to handle emotions and relationships. A therapist can help your teen understand the impact of their actions and build healthier skills.
Can My Teen See a Therapist Without Me?
In California, teens 12 and older may be able to consent to outpatient counseling on their own if their provider determines they are mature enough. Providers generally involve parents or guardians unless doing so would be inappropriate (California Department of Health Care Services, 2024). Many families find it helpful for both the teen and the parent to have support.
Is What My Teen Shares in Therapy Confidential?
Therapy is generally confidential, with some exceptions, such as when someone is in immediate danger or a child is being abused. Your teen’s provider will explain confidentiality at the first appointment, including what may be shared with parents.
How Do I Get Started With PAWC?
Reach out to our team and share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with. You can ask about providers who work with teens and parents, appointment availability, insurance coverage, and expected costs. You don’t need to have a diagnosis or know exactly what to say before reaching out.
Resources for Parents and Teens
Along with professional support, the resources below, recommended by domestic violence organizations, can help you and your teen learn more about healthy and unhealthy relationships. Books and films can also be a natural way to start a conversation. Some include mature themes, so consider previewing them first and talking about them together.
Helplines
- love is respect: A free, confidential helpline for teens and young adults, and for parents who are worried about them. Call 1-866-331-9474, text LOVEIS to 22522, or chat at loveisrespect.org, 24 hours a day (American Psychiatric Association, n.d.).
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org (American Psychiatric Association, n.d.).
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 if your teen is having thoughts of harming themselves.
Online Guides
- One Love Foundation’s 10 Signs of a Healthy and Unhealthy Relationship: A simple, teen-friendly handout that compares healthy and unhealthy behaviors. It’s available in English and Spanish, with LGBTQ+ and digital editions (One Love Foundation, n.d.-b).
- One Love Foundation’s Trusted Adult Guides: Guidance for parents and other trusted adults on how to talk with young people about their relationships (One Love Foundation, n.d.-c).
- love is respect’s Help Your Child guide: Warning signs, what to say, and how to help your teen plan for safety (loveisrespect, n.d.).
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline’s Talking to Teens About Relationship Abuse: Tips for supporting your teen without pushing them away (National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2023).
Films
- Escalation (One Love Foundation): A film that follows a young couple as one partner becomes emotionally and then physically abusive, paired with a guided discussion about warning signs and how to help. It has been shown in more than 150 high schools and 400 college campuses and is best suited to older teens. Ask your teen’s school about hosting a workshop (RAINN, n.d.).
- One Love Foundation’s short videos on digital relationship abuse: Brief videos about controlling behavior through texting and social media, with a free companion guide (One Love Foundation, n.d.-a).
Books for Teens
These novels about teen dating violence appear on the youth reading list of the NextStep Domestic Violence Project, a nonprofit domestic violence agency (NextStep Domestic Violence Project, n.d.):
- Breathing Underwater by Alex Flinn. Told from the perspective of a teen boy who abused his girlfriend, this novel explores control, verbal abuse, and the cycle of hurting and apologizing.
- Take Me There by Susane Colasanti. Three high school friends navigate relationships, including emotional manipulation, control, and isolation.
- The Breakable Vow by Kathryn Ann Clarke. A high school student’s relationship with an older boyfriend slowly becomes controlling and abusive.
The Young Adult Library Services Association, a division of the American Library Association, also recommends young adult novels on dating violence, consent, and healthy relationships, including (Wetta, 2016):
- Bitter End by Jennifer Brown, about a teen girl whose new relationship turns controlling and violent.
- Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, about a teen finding her voice after sexual assault.
- I’ll Meet You There by Heather Demetrios and My Life Next Door by Huntley Fitzpatrick, which show what healthier relationships can look like.
A Book for Teens and Parents
- In Love and in Danger: A Teen’s Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships by Barrie Levy. A nonfiction guide written directly for teens that can also help parents understand what their teen may be experiencing.
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References
American Psychiatric Association. (n.d.). Domestic violence. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/domestic-violence
American Psychological Association. (2025, April). Treatments for PTSD. https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments
California Department of Health Care Services. (2024, December 30). Minor consent to outpatient mental health treatment or counseling (Behavioral Health Information Notice No. 24-046). https://www.dhcs.ca.gov/Documents/BHIN-24-046-Minor-Consent-to-Outpatient-Mental-Health-Treatment-or-Counseling.pdf
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2025, January 14). Teen dating violence. https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/about-teen-dating-violence.html
Gregory, A., Feder, G., Taket, A., & Williamson, E. (2017). Qualitative study to explore the health and well-being impacts on adults providing informal support to female domestic violence survivors. BMJ Open, 7(3), Article e014511. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2016-014511
loveisrespect. (n.d.). Help your child [Fact sheet]. https://www.loveisrespect.org/pdf/Help_Your_Child.pdf
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2023, December 15). Talking to teens about relationship abuse. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/talking-to-teens-about-relationship-abuse/
NextStep Domestic Violence Project. (n.d.). Youth book list. https://www.nextstepdvproject.org/youth-books
Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. (2025, September). Dating violence reported by high school students, 2023. U.S. Department of Justice. https://ojjdp.ojp.gov/publications/data-snapshot-dating-violence-reported-by-high-school-students-2023.pdf
One Love Foundation. (n.d.-a). Digital relationship abuse: Companion guide [PDF]. https://www.joinonelove.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/PSA_Companion_Guide.pdf
One Love Foundation. (n.d.-b). 10 signs of a healthy and unhealthy relationship [Handout]. https://www.joinonelove.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/10-Signs-of-a-Healthy-and-Unhealthy-Relationship-English-2023.pdf
One Love Foundation. (n.d.-c). Trusted adult guides. https://www.joinonelove.org/relationships/trusted-adult/
RAINN. (n.d.). One Love: Escalation workshop. Prevention Navigator. https://preventionnavigator.rainn.org/program/one-love/details/
Wetta, M. (2016, January 25). Booklist: Dating violence, consent, and healthy relationships in young adult fiction. The Hub, Young Adult Library Services Association. https://www.yalsa.ala.org/thehub/2016/01/25/booklist-dating-violence-consent-and-healthy-relationships-in-young-adult-fiction/
