If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For free, confidential support 24 hours a day, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat online at thehotline.org (American Psychiatric Association, n.d.).
Your partner handles all the money and gives you an “allowance.” You have to show receipts for every purchase. Maybe you’ve found a credit card in your name that you never opened, or your partner keeps finding reasons why you shouldn’t go back to work. When you bring it up, you’re told you’re bad with money or ungrateful for everything they provide.
This is financial abuse, and it is a form of domestic violence. In fact, nearly all survivors of domestic violence (99%) also experience financial abuse (National Network to End Domestic Violence [NNEDV], 2014). As we recognize Domestic Violence Awareness Month this October, here’s what you need to know about financial abuse, how to recognize it, how it affects your mental health, and how to begin taking back control.
What Is Financial Abuse?
Financial abuse is when a partner uses money and resources to gain power and control over you (NNEDV, 2014). It can include controlling your access to money, keeping you from working, or damaging your credit (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.-c). In California, controlling a partner’s finances, economic resources, or access to basic necessities is recognized as coercive control under the law (Cal. Fam. Code § 6320).
Financial abuse can happen in any relationship, whether or not there is physical violence. It can also be one of the hardest forms of abuse to recognize, because money decisions can look like a normal part of sharing a life together.
Common Forms of Financial Abuse
Controlling Your Access to Money
Limiting your ability to use or know about your own money. For example, your partner might:
- Give you an allowance and demand receipts for everything you buy (NNEDV, 2014).
- Keep you off bank accounts or refuse to let you have your own account (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.-c).
- Hide information about family finances or leave you out of major money decisions (NNEDV, 2014).
Sabotaging Your Job or Education
Keeping you from earning your own income or building skills. For example, your partner might:
- Forbid you from working or pressure you to quit your job (NNEDV, 2014).
- Start fights before work, make you late, or show up and cause problems at your workplace.
- Discourage you from going to school or getting training.
Coerced Debt
Using threats, pressure, manipulation, or fraud to put debt in your name (Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, 2024). For example, your partner might:
- Secretly open credit cards or loans in your name.
- Force or pressure you to sign loan or financial documents.
- Run up charges on your existing accounts.
Damaging Your Credit
Hurting your credit so it’s harder for you to rent a home, get a car, or live independently (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.-c). For example, your partner might:
- Make late payments or skip bills on accounts in your name.
- Max out shared cards and leave you responsible for the balance.
- Use your personal information without your permission.
Taking or Exploiting Your Money
Using your income or resources for their own benefit (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.-d). For example, your partner might:
- Take your paycheck or require you to hand over your earnings.
- Spend shared savings without your knowledge.
- Use your benefits, inheritance, or property without your consent.
Withholding Basic Needs
Using money to keep you from getting what you need (Cal. Fam. Code § 6320; National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.-d). For example, your partner might:
- Refuse to pay for food, medicine, or clothing for you or your children.
- Withhold money for gas, transportation, or medical care.
- Take away your phone, car, or credit cards as punishment.
Warning Signs of Financial Abuse
Ask yourself whether your partner:
- Makes all the financial decisions without your input.
- Gets angry when you spend money or ask questions about finances.
- Keeps you from knowing how much money you have or owe.
- Has opened accounts or taken out loans in your name.
- Pressures you not to work or interferes with your job.
- Makes you ask permission for everyday purchases.
If you recognize any of these patterns, they’re worth paying attention to.
Why Financial Abuse Keeps People Trapped
Financial abuse is one of the most powerful ways to keep someone in an abusive relationship, and it can make it much harder to stay safe after leaving (NNEDV, 2014). Without money, credit, or a steady income, finding housing, paying for childcare, or simply getting through the first few weeks on your own can feel impossible.
The effects can also last for years. Financial abuse can result in damaged work histories, ruined credit, homelessness, and poverty (NNEDV, 2018). Many survivors are still paying off coerced debt or rebuilding credit long after the relationship has ended.
Financial Abuse Affects Men, Too
Anyone can experience financial abuse, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Men may have their paychecks controlled, their spending monitored, or their credit damaged by a partner. But men often face extra barriers to recognizing and reporting abuse. They may worry no one will take them seriously or that there are no resources for them (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.-a). If you’re a man experiencing financial abuse, what’s happening to you is real, and support is available.
How Financial Abuse Affects Mental Health
Financial abuse doesn’t just affect your bank account. It affects how you feel about yourself and your future. In a study of survivors receiving help from domestic violence programs, 93% reported economic abuse, and economic abuse was linked to depression even after accounting for other forms of abuse (Stylianou, 2018).
Survivors may also experience anxiety, fear, isolation, self-blame, and low self-esteem (American Psychiatric Association, n.d.). You might feel ashamed about your finances, worry constantly about money, or doubt your ability to take care of yourself. These are common reactions to being controlled, not signs of weakness, and they can get better with support.
Steps Toward Financial Safety
If you’re experiencing financial abuse, small steps can help you regain some control. Because sudden changes may alert an abusive partner, it’s important to plan for your safety first (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.-b). Consider:
- Making a safety plan: A safety plan is a personalized set of steps to help protect you while you work toward long-term safety (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.-b).
- Checking your credit: Reviewing your credit reports can show accounts or debts in your name that you didn’t know about.
- Keeping copies of important documents: Store copies of IDs, bank statements, and financial records somewhere safe that your partner can’t access.
- Documenting what’s happening: Save records of suspicious accounts, threats about money, or debts you didn’t agree to.
- Connecting with an advocate: Domestic violence advocates and legal aid organizations can help you understand your options and find financial resources.
Help With Coerced Debt in California
California law offers protection for survivors of coerced debt. For debts incurred on or after July 1, 2023, survivors can ask creditors to stop collecting on debt that was taken out in their name through force, threats, fraud, or manipulation. To do this, survivors provide documentation such as a police report, a court order, or a sworn statement from a qualified professional, including a licensed clinical social worker, licensed marriage and family therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or domestic violence counselor (Cal. Civ. Code § 1798.97.1). A legal aid organization or attorney can help you understand whether this applies to you.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy offers a safe, judgment-free space to talk about what you’ve been through, including the shame and stress that so often come with financial abuse. A trauma-informed therapist will remind you that the abuse isn’t your fault, respect your right to make your own decisions, and help you rebuild your confidence and independence (American Psychiatric Association, n.d.).
Planning for Safety and Independence
Your therapist can help you build a safety plan, think through your options, and connect you with domestic violence advocates, legal support, and other community resources (American Psychiatric Association, n.d.).
Healing From Trauma
Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), cognitive processing therapy (CPT), and prolonged exposure (PE) are strongly recommended for treating PTSD (American Psychological Association, 2025). These approaches can help you work through painful experiences, challenge beliefs like “I can’t make it on my own,” and feel more in control of your life.
Support for Depression, Anxiety, and Sleep
If you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, sleep problems, or substance use, a psychiatric provider can evaluate your symptoms and talk with you about whether medication might help alongside therapy.
When Should You Reach Out?
Consider reaching out if you feel trapped by money, afraid to ask questions about your finances, or worried about how you would support yourself or your children on your own. You can also reach out if you’ve left the relationship but are still dealing with debt, damaged credit, or the emotional effects of financial control. You don’t need to have your finances figured out to ask for help.
Getting Support at PAWC
If anything in this article sounds familiar, our team is here to help. You can start with something as simple as, “My partner controls all the money, and I feel stuck.” PAWC-affiliated providers offer a safe, judgment-free space where you can be heard, plan for your safety, and take steps toward healing and independence at your own pace. This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, consider taking that first step. You don’t have to face this alone.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is It Financial Abuse If My Partner Manages Our Money?
Not necessarily. In many healthy relationships, one partner handles the bills. It becomes abuse when one partner uses money to control the other, hides information, or takes away your ability to make your own choices (DomesticShelters.org, 2023).
Can Financial Abuse Continue After I Leave?
Yes. Coerced debt, damaged credit, and lost income can follow survivors for years. A partner may also try to use money, child support, or shared accounts to keep control after the relationship ends.
What Is Coerced Debt, and What Can I Do About It?
Coerced debt is debt someone puts in your name through threats, pressure, manipulation, or fraud. In California, survivors may be able to stop collection on coerced debt incurred on or after July 1, 2023, by providing documentation to the creditor. A legal aid organization can help you understand your options. This article is not legal advice.
Can Men Experience Financial Abuse?
Yes. Financial abuse can happen to anyone, in any type of relationship, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Men deserve the same support and safety as anyone else.
Do I Have to Leave My Partner to Get Help?
No. You can start therapy whether you’re staying, thinking about leaving, or have already left. Your provider will respect your decisions and help you think through how to stay as safe as possible.
Is What I Share in Therapy Confidential?
Yes, with a few exceptions, such as when someone is in immediate danger or a child or vulnerable adult is being harmed. Your provider will explain these limits at your first appointment so you know what to expect.
How Do I Get Started With PAWC?
Reach out to our team and share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with. You can ask about providers, appointment availability, insurance coverage, and expected costs. You don’t need to have a diagnosis or know exactly what to say before reaching out.
Find a provider · See accepted insurance · Contact us
References
American Psychiatric Association. (n.d.). Domestic violence. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/domestic-violence
American Psychological Association. (2025, April). Treatments for PTSD. https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments
Cal. Civ. Code § 1798.97.1. https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?lawCode=CIV§ionNum=1798.97.1
Cal. Fam. Code § 6320. https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?lawCode=FAM§ionNum=6320
Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. (2024, December 9). CFPB kicks off rulemaking to help mitigate the financial consequences of domestic violence and elder abuse [Press release]. https://www.consumerfinance.gov/archive/newsroom/cfpb-kicks-off-rulemaking-to-help-mitigate-the-financial-consequences-of-domestic-violence-and-elder-abuse/
DomesticShelters.org. (2023, November 28). What is coercive control? https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/what-is-coercive-control
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.-a). Men can be victims of abuse too. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/men-can-be-victims-of-abuse-too/
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.-b). Plan for safety. https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.-c). Types of abuse. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.-d). Warning signs of abuse. https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/
National Network to End Domestic Violence. (2014, April 4). Join NNEDV & The Allstate Foundation as we say “No More!” to financial abuse this April. https://nnedv.org/latest_update/join-nnedv-the-allstate-foundation-as-we-say-no-more-to-financial-abuse-this-april/
National Network to End Domestic Violence. (2018, August 6). Understanding what economic justice means to survivors. https://nnedv.org/latest_update/understanding-economic-justice-means-survivors
Stylianou, A. M. (2018). Economic abuse experiences and depressive symptoms among victims of intimate partner violence. Journal of Family Violence, 33(6), 381–392. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-018-9973-4
